I’m not the only friend you’ve lost lately…
I’ve been contemplating massively on if I should spend time writing a blogpost, that could spark fury and possibly lead to a lot of controversy. But here I am, refusing to be the Good Girl, the perfect woman, that would never say or do anything that could possibly ruin the perfect reputation.
From jamming to Toxic by Britney to watching news on how our oceans are more or less fucked with an ongoing oil issue (yes it’s still ongoing, and no one really cares) Let’s not forget the crap we feed into our bodies under the pretense of it being oh so delicious and then comes the one thing that everyone is and will continue to speak out for generations to come and will forever be a trending topic in our lives – relationships. Toxic relationships to be more precise.
I’m not necessarily talking about boy meets girl or about the great love Bonnie & Clyde share ( you must be delusional if you think it’s romantic, Incase you forgot Bonnie ended up destroying Clyde) I’m not talking about the transparency of how vivid that most toxic relationships are that we just turn a blind eye because it’s easier to face them up front. No I’m talking about something truly vicious, often compared to a poisonous snake and just like a tale as old as times – Friendships have evolved massively, that it’s shocking highend designer labels haven’t still introduced the “Please stab me in the back” spring / summer collection.
Friends. Ah, from the tv show to your very first mate at the playground, I’m sure if you take a minute you can just take a lovely trip down memory lane and truly sigh in nostalgia at all the great, fabulous times. All that fun, laughter, inside jokes and of course all the secrets. Now think about every friend that started out like a delicious molten chocolate lava cake, and then someone just grabs the plate from you and uses your own cutlery to stab you. Et Tu Mate? (Like Julius Caesar when Brutus stabbed him)
How many friends have truly survived the years and stuck by you? If you’ve got your OG crowd from the start and watch you grow into the person you are today, well then I can safely say you are truly blessed and you can have all the lava cake in the world. But unfortunately, to many being a friend is possibly the toughest thing a human is capable of doing especially when there’s so many you can have and when it looks as easy as following a Buzzfeed Tasty chocolate chip cookie recipe but it really isn’t.
Now before we dive head first into every little snake that hurt or manipulated or more dramatically put , destroyed us. Let’s take a few steps back and point the bottle to me. Yes you. How many times have you been the evil, nasty little friend in which you’ve lost as many as you’ve gained? We’d like to think we’re the best possible versions of ourselves but contrary to popular belief, it’s not always the case and it’s OK to make these mistakes as long as they don’t end up intentional stings the next time around.
I’ve personally hurt the people closest to me. It’s funny to think that when you truly love someone, it’s impossible to cause pain or sadness but it’s easier to create that wedge, because true friendships scream vulnerability, it’s meant to be sacred, precious, a rare diamond in the rough even though as a human you can have as many as you want. It’s like keeping your Tamagotchi in check, you can buy as many as you want but how many can you truly keep alive and well?
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that sometimes some friendships aren’t meant to be, and although the great memories might haunt you it’s always best kept as a memory. Locked away in the past, no one can snatch that away from you and it’ll always be yours and that’s the beauty of it. Another little gem my 20 year old self has taught me is that not all friendships require history, and nor will history save you from a toxic friendship no matter how long you’ve known each other. That time is merely a fraction of the equation to finding that good friend.
You will never truly be able to spot what’s toxic, like every human being is unique, the definition of toxic is also constantly changing with every relationship and only you have the power to either deal with it or break free.
Now more than ever, I’ve truly opened my eyes. I don’t want a friend that’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I don’t want a friend who will constantly remind me of my downfalls nor do I want a friend that will emotionally blackmail using “loyalty”. Loyalty isn’t something you scream at the top of your lungs or type snarky messages to your mates reminding them. Loyalty needs to be that invisible connection that intertwines you and your friend whether you’re physically present at the moment or not.
There’s a reason why most of us Can’t Have Nice Things and Billie Eilish wrote Bury a Friend (you know in the literal sense at least ) but there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy those who truly celebrate you, adore you to pieces and have your back no matter what and how long you know someone doesn’t really matter. Old may be gold, but not necessarily good.
And just because “fool me once, shame on you” doesn’t mean you cannot give it another shot, of course you can. There are times people learn lessons to be a better person. But “fool me twice, shame on me” should be a constant reminder at the back of your mind.
I’m still 22, there’s a long way to go (or at least I hope so) – but “here’s to our Real Friends who don’t care about the he said she said”
Until the next one 🙌🏽